Deleted
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Hello!
Sept 3, 2014 8:01:52 GMT -8
Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2014 8:01:52 GMT -8
Hello everyone!
I was so excited to be approached by the moderators of the Closet Project to help serve as a moderator for the forum. As a community advocate and having counseling experience, I know that it can be difficult sometimes to ask for support and be open and forthcoming about our feelings. I also know how isolating it can feel when you are trying to figure out your sexual orientation: the confusion, the second guessing, the excitement, the anxiety, the fear of being “outed,” the loneliness… That’s why I hope this forum will be a wonderful outlet for our LGBTQ community, particularly those who may not feel comfortable yet disclosing their identity to others.
I know that talking with other LGBTQ peers can be one of the best support outlets around. However, I also know that sometimes it can be helpful to get a professional opinion on certain questions, like “Can I change my sexual orientation?” “What are some good tips as I start to come out to others?” “How could professional counseling be helpful for me as I’m coming out?” etc. If this is more your style, feel free to ask me questions! I’m happy to provide input. Depending on your question, I may additionally send you a private message on here to answer in more depth or to share further resources, and please know that your identity will still remain anonymous to me.
Please remember that I may not be able to respond to messages promptly, so this is not a place to post any urgent or emergency related questions. If you are having an emergency, please reference the “Emergency Resources” Thread in the forum for a list of emergency resources for you.
Cheers!
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Hello!
Sept 22, 2014 19:34:26 GMT -8
Post by usdbigrl on Sept 22, 2014 19:34:26 GMT -8
got any advice on how to come out to family? I'm definitely in that boat so i appreciate any tips!! i know they will probably be ok in the long-run, but having the conversation is so terrifying that its hard for me to actually consider really doing it. thanks!!
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Hello!
Sept 25, 2014 9:09:38 GMT -8
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 9:09:38 GMT -8
Hello usdbigirl, How wonderful that you want to take this brave step to come out to your family. I know it can feel terrifying to do so, and I do have some tips that I hope could help you as you work toward this goal. This is certainly a complex topic, but here is a general overview of what I think can help. For many people, it can help them feel more confident going into the conversation having a set plan in mind. I recommend doing exactly what you are doing here and seeking out advice and input from others who may have already gone through this experience. They may have some great tips for you! If you are not out to many people yet, it also may be good to practice getting more comfortable with coming out by coming out to “less scary” people first (friends, siblings, cousins, etc.) and increasing your network of supporters. In trying to prep for the conversation, I think it can be helpful to consider how/when you want to come out to them and how you want to say it. For some people, having the conversation in person or on the phone is ideal to be able to help the family process any of their reactions. For others, it may feel safer to come out over email or a letter where you can let your family sit with it for a minute before talking with you about it. You know your family better than anyone, so I encourage you to use your gut with whatever method feels better for you and your family. I would also consider the timing: typically holidays or important events are not an ideal time to come out due to the busyness and stress surrounding them. I would recommend picking out a lower stress time when you and your family will have the time to be able to fully absorb the disclosure and talk about it. Likewise, consider whether now is the right time. Do you still live under your parents’ roof or rely on them to cover your expenses? If you think they’ll be reasonable with their reaction, it may be a good time, but if you suspect that they may react negatively and withhold privileges, it may be better to wait until you are in a situation where you are less dependent on them. I would also prepare yourself for potential questions that your family may have and how you would like to respond. It can be helpful for the family if you are able to show that you have thought a lot about this and are confident in your identity as LGBT. This may help to reassure them that you will be ok, as many parents often have unrealistic fears out of ignorance that this means you are going to live a sad and lonely life. You know your parents better than anyone, so try to anticipate what their concerns/questions may be so that you can be ready with your answers. I think this can also help you feel more confident going into the conversation. It can also be helpful to bring a few books for your parents to help them better understand their reactions and the experience of being gay. One great book that I know has been very helpful for parents is “Now That You Know” by Betty Fairchild. If religion is an issue, there are some books from religious perspectives that help to provide a supportive view of LGBT people. One book is “The Church and the Homosexual” by John J McNeal. I think deep down we all fear being completely disowned and rejected by our families, which unfortunately is a sad reality for some people, but much of the time the conversation goes better than expected and can help you and your family develop a deeper connection to one another over time. That being said, I would prepare yourself that it might take some time before your parents are at a place where you want them to be. They too will be going through an adjustment experience of adjusting how they understood their son or daughter. It’s taken a lifetime for them to believe what they believe, and that’s not going to change from one conversation. However, many times, parents who are initially quiet or rejecting can later become great supporters, so please, please, please remember that their initial reactions often significantly change with time. That being said, know when and how to make your exit. Sometimes, it can be helpful to give your parents a little space after the initial talk to let them process everything. It can also be helpful to plan ahead of time where you might go if things don’t go well. Who could you stay with that night? What other supports do you have who you could talk to and get support from after the conversation? I definitely recommend having a support system in place first, letting them know about your plan to come out, and having them be available to provide you with support before and after the conversation. Finally, it can be difficult to go through this alone and can be immensely helpful to have an outlet to plan and talk through all of your fears. Friends can be a great resource, but I also recommend professional counseling. You can set up confidential counseling sessions with a supportive therapist right at USD through the Counseling Center, which is located in Serra Hall, Room 300. I’ve listed some other support resources in the “Support Resources” section of the forum. And lastly, be PROUD of yourself for coming out to your parents regardless of the outcome. You just did an incredibly difficult thing, and now you can at least no longer have to hide yourself and put on a charade. Not having to hide anymore can be an incredibly liberating experience. Take care
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Hello!
Oct 24, 2014 13:15:07 GMT -8
Post by usdbigrl on Oct 24, 2014 13:15:07 GMT -8
wow, thank you for your detailed response!! That is very helpful and I will definitely look into this stufff
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Hello!
Dec 18, 2014 9:10:20 GMT -8
Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2014 9:10:20 GMT -8
Hi all-
Please note that The Closet Project will not be monitored over the semester break. We hope everyone has a fantastic break, and we will look forward to resuming our conversations when the Spring 2015 semester starts in February!
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